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Finding my own path

Renee's meanderings

15 July 1980
External Services:
  • dolphindream@livejournal.com
  • dolphindream715 AIM status
Each year brings change, growth, heartbreak and healing. I'm where I want to be in my life, but I haven't found words that comprehensively explain that; I do my best to be satisfied with the words I have, and let the meaning emerge with each step on the road.

From the complexity that is and has been myself, my life
From the path I’ve found, and seek anew each day:
this simplicity:

My greatest Truth is Love
My greatest Love is Life
My Life is the Search for Truth.

What is my Path? It is each step I take.

Who I am:
I’m just another Seeker of Truth, another Lover of Life, another Dreamer of All That Could Be.
I’ve always believed that Balance shall be the principle that leads me to fulfillment.
I embrace all of Life, Light and Dark, Joy and Pain, Chaos and Order.
I have Faith, and yet I Question everything.
I love deeply, and sometimes too much.
I am emotional and sensitive.
I live life passionately and intensely.
I am weak in many ways, and strong in many more.
In my tears I find my own truth.
I value Honesty, Openness, Diversity, Courage, Strength, Growth, Evolution, Creativity, Spirituality, Emotions, Intelligence, Perspectives, Dreams.
I’m beautiful, amazing, intelligent, appreciated, respected, loved.

Where I am at:
I'm struggling through the adventures of everyday living in my inner and outer lives.
I have lots of pieces and I'm playing around with how everything fits and functions.
I still have lots of questions, and I'm enjoying seeking the answers.
I'm grateful for how lucky I am to have everything I have, even if it still hurts to miss what I've lost.
I'm ambitious, but I'm taking my life one step at a time.


"Well the sun rose, with so many colors it nearly broke my heart
It worked me over like a work of art
And I was part of all that.
So go ahead, push your luck
Say what it is you gotta say to me
We will push on into that mystery
And it will push right back, and there are worst things than that
Because for every price and every penance that I could think of
It’s better to have fallen in love than never to fallen at all
‘Cuz when you live in the world it gets into who you thought you’d be
And now I laugh at how changed me
I think life chose me after all".-Dar Williams, After All

"time is never time at all
you can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth
and our lives are forever changed
we will never be the same
the more you change the less you feel
believe believe in me believe
that life can change that you're not stuck in vain
we're not the same we're different tonight
tonight"-smashing pumpkins, tonight tonight

“Up on the watershed, standing at the fork in the road
You can stand there and agonize until you’re agony’s your heaviest load
You gotta fly as the crow flies, get used to a country mile
When you’re learning to face the path at your pace every choice is worth you while”-Indigo Girls, Watershed

A last piece: from a journal entry that still is true, two years later.

"Thoughts of what I need, what matters to me--being loved, being forgiven, having hope, having faith . . . but the thing that draws me most right now is anything that leads me to question and discover something about myself and the world . . . sparks of creativity and clarity of vision, and for someone to maybe think i can achieve such things as well . . . can i find clarity in the mazes of my own illusions, dreams and fears? sometimes i just want to believe this inner journey is worth it. always looking for outside validation, and the thing that has hurt the most over the last year is not feeling as if some of the people close to me understood or even cared about everything that is huge inside of me . . . sometimes, things are not as they seem. and the only way to approach me is to question every assumption, and to realize i am both flawed and beautiful, and just please have faith in me, that i'll be able to become the person i want to be . . ."

A note about this journal: This journal is mostly friends-only. At this point, it's part of my daily routine to rant in here about whatever I feel I need to express at the end of the day; but once in a while I might say something interesting too. I hope to eventually create a website to express a more coherent, accessible vision of myself, but that's just one project of many. For now, this journal is an important tool for me, and it's for me, no one else. Almost all of my friends are people I know in real life, but if you add me and try to persuade me to add you, then you can be subjected to my random babbling, too.
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